FVO: There is now a choice of listening. If you want to remain British turn off now. If you’d rather be Portuguese, stay tuned.

MVO1: I‘m with Portugal’s leading dermatologist, Antonio Exfolio MVO2: Hello.MVO1: Professor, skin is of course very important isn’t it, and what every woman wants to know is, what type of skin is best?

MVO2: Well, Portuguese skin of course. Here, let me show you, rub my cheek.

SFX: The sound of two bricks being rubbed together.MVO1: Ooh, very tough isn’t it.MVO2: Yes, very tough, very tough strong Portuguese skin. Now here smell.

MVO1: Oh.SFX: Sniff sniff.MVO2: What it smell of?MVO1: It’s leather.MVO2: Ah ha, yes you see beautiful strong, healthyMVO1: Do you have any tips for my skin?MVO2: No, huh! Your skin is British. It’s white and pasty because of all the rain, no good, no good, no goodMVO1: So, what’s the secret of Portuguese skin?MVO2: Nando’s Peri-peri sauce. It’s rich in vitamin A and vitamin C, MVO1: Ah, so you rub it into your skin.MVO2: Nah, don’t be weird. I have it on chicken. I’m not gonna rub it on my face, you nutter.

SFX: Nando’s jingle.

ANN: Be Portuguese.